Prior to May 3rd, 1988 I was fully involved in a lifestyle catering to my own whims and desires from a standpoint of recreational drugs and a large consumption of alcohol. I was a twice addicted (meaning I had gone through two long seasons of using cocaine) to cocaine and basically an alcoholic (beer-a-holic) as I drank pretty much every day to the tune of 3 to 6 beers per night, most nights, and on party occasions or weekends much more. You you may say that isn’t very many… and to you I would say “for me, it wasn’t really the amount, it was the fact that I have an addictive personality and cannot stop or go with out and it consumes me! It had taken a huge tole on me, my family and I’m positive it effected other relationships. So needless to say, my life was manageable to a point and out of control in another. I was functional, held down a job, but indulged too much. I used cocaine every night and even got to the point being so desperate at times that I bartered off tools and musical instruments so that I could sustain my addiction.
My parents had become born-again Christians about 9 years earlier and had been praying for me to have a radical life change and come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. My marriage at the time had fallen into dire straights with me using and drinking and her, drinking, using and being had begun relations with numerous other men. One day in May of 1988, when all circumstances seemed to be at an explosive head and my world crashing in on and around me, a “life shifting” event took place.
I was at my parents house talking with my father about my life, all the chaos and hurt taking place and after a time, being a man who was faithful to God and committed and submitted to prayer and his faith stood up and said “let’s go pray!” I followed him into the den and we got on our knees and he began to pray for me, my family and the events that were taking place. After a short time, he said “Kevin, you know our belief in God and the healing power of Jesus Christ… I want you to pray after me” and I said I would. I had tried all the ways I knew (trying to stop using & drinking, therapy, recovery homes and my own will power….more like lack of will power) and had no other ammunition to fight for myself. My father then lead me through what is known as “the sinner’s prayer” a verbal acknowledgement of that fact that I was choosing to sin, my life was a mess with me leading it and that needed someone who could mend the brokenness, hurt and sin in my life… a Savior… only Jesus can provide that type of complete restoration. So I repeated the words my father prayed and something incredible happened……
Before I go further, let me say that before this day, I had heard of Jesus Christ, being born-again, the end times, the end of the world etc., and had for a season or so, here and there (during my younger years in other states where we had lived) had attended Methodist churches for a time, but it was just “going to church” and nothing relational, meaningful on a deep personal level. Also at this moment in time, being 25 years of age, I was far from wanting to stop all the drinking, partying and other things I thought I would have to give up if I became a “Christian.” I was opposed to Christianity completely, but as I began to pray as my father lead me, it was as if I was being lifted off the ground, a feeling of almost being weightless and I felt the weight of everything that ever weighed my down mentally removed and lifted off my shoulders just like the proverbial “monkey off your back” as the saying goes.
I felt as light as a feather and there was a joy in my heart and mind that I’d never experienced before. A feeling that far surpassed any euphoric feelings I’d ever experienced while using any drugs or alcohol!!! I also had a vision in my mind as I prayed that prayer. It was of a valiant Knight and his men riding horseback out the gate of their castle as if protecting it from an invading army. Upon saying “in Jesus’ name, amen” I broke down and cried for some time… I was keenly aware of my depravity, all the wrong I had done and perpatrated in my life, the lies I’d told, the mean things I’ve said to people, the sin I had committed. It is hard to explain… before this prayer, when I did anything wrong, lied to someone, cheated or manipulated someone, was sexually intimate with a women before I was married, used drugs, sold drugs and any other deviant behavior that is deemed immoral, I would simply go on with life and not loose any sleep over any of it. Now, my eyes were opened and before me were all my hurts, habits, innapropriate thoughts and all my sin washed clean and forgiven by Jesus and words basically escape me except for “mind-blowing” that would allow you to fully grasp and enable you to feel just like I did at that moment in time.
I assure you that I wasn’t on drugs or alcohol that day and it’s oh so difficult to put those feelings of elation, joy, light-heartedness and feeling so Guilt-free into words without sounding like I have lost it, but I haven’t. Again, I simply had come to a place in my life that all my ways of trying to live a life where I didn’t crash and burn from all the bad decisions I had made, brought me to a place where I no longer had any answers. It was a faith in the Son of God and His sacrifice for the whole world, me included, that revealed to me my need for salvation of a supernatural kind.
This day, today, May 3rd, 2016 marks the 28th anniversary of the day that I asked Jesus Christ into my life to be my Lord, my Savior and my God! Thank You Jesus for saving my rotten soul and giving me new life! It hasn’t always been easy. There have been tough times, times of relapse like the 2 years of being addicted to meth and returning to being a much worse alcoholic, but that was my doing and taking my eyes and heart focus off of you! God is a forgiving God always forvgives those who ask for it…. seventy times seven times.
My relationship with Jesus Christ is NOT religion…. it is a “relationship” between the two of us. I know it’s hard to fathom, understand and grasps and maybe you think I’m nuts… To you I say, “but for there for the Grace of God, go I!” Meaning, if it wasn’t for His sacrificial death, resurrection on the cross, Him paying my sin debt on His own, for you, me and the entire world that has been and ever will be… I would be lost in my sin and wondering ways and would have remained as the person who ran my life into the ground numerous times.
I am not looking for arguments of any kind… so if you dis-agree, choose to and please don’t comment. I chose my way, you choose yours, but there can be ONLY one truth. I can’t change your mind, only God can and for that, I pray He does change the mind of everyone in the world, especially those of whom I know and love for if I make a choice not to share the Greatest thing, event, life change that has ever happened to me, it really isn’t that incredible is it! I am always willing to answer any questions you may have to possibly give you a better understanding of my faith in Jesus. I am not as weird as you may think.
That’s it for now … May you make wise choices in life.
Blessings in Him,
Kevin ….. I’m out……… Peace, love and good happiness stuff in Jesus!